shh don't tell Naruto
by cjthejounin
Summary: Naruto's birthday is coming up and tsunades planning a suprise but in order to do that she must lock very one in a mansion for 50 days with taks to do. naruhina sasusaku and others along the way rated m for later chapters.
1. mansion for 50

**SHH don't tell Naruto!**

**Ch1 the test**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but I sure wish I did….

Naruto Uzamaki was walking down the hallway to tsunades office because he was called up there for some thing that he didn't pay attention to because he has the attention span of a flea (Naruto: HEY that's not right! Me: oh come on u do! ) Any way Naruto had arrived at the door. He opened it and was surprised to find some of his friends there. Sasuke was sitting ther in his usual position wich was leaning on the wall and looking down. Shino still looking pissed like he always did. Sakura and Ino staring at sasuke. Hinata was talking to tenten about something. Gaara was talking to his two siblings. And kakashi was surprisingly there on time Naruto guessed tsunade had asked him to come YESTERDAY but he noticed kakashi was facing the wall out of every one else's view 'hmmm…' Naruto thought. He walked over to kakashi and looked over and saw that kakashi was sniffing some of what he called 'mugwort'

"BAD KAKASHI BAD!" Naruto

Had taken out a newspaper rolled it up and smacked it on top of kakashis head. Kakashi yelped dropped his mugwort and went to hide under tsunades desk. Every one in the room heard it and saw it those who knew kakashi well enough sweat dropped. Tsunade had entered her office and gave them each a slip of paper.

"in your slip of paper there is a map of the mansion you will be staying in for 25 days"

Some were outraged wile others looked in differently (cough SHINO AND SASUKE cough shino: shut up! your gonna take away our fan girls…I MEAN….NOTHING! sasuke: smooth move dumbass there go our fan girls…..) Naruto was one of those outraged people and he yelled out "tsunade-baa Chan why do we have to do this!" at first tsunade was standing in front of him but soothing had him hard on the head kind of like sakuras punch only bigger. "Ow what the fu-…WHAT THE FUCK?" tsunade was standing were she was but behind him was tsunade Naruto looked back and forth at them finally the tsunade that didn't hit him melted. At that very moment choji came in and said

"WHERES THE MUSH!''

Every one pointed at the small puddle that he was standing on. Choji bent down on all fours and started licking it up. "mm it tastes like chicken" choji proclaimed. Tsunade was getting mad..

"Ok shut up every one…I SAID SHUT UP!"

Every one immediately shut up they remembered what happened LAST TIME they had refused.

Muhahaha line breaker

"Ok now as I was saying…your staying in this mansion for 50 days UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THE ACADEMY!" yelled tsunade

Garra spoke out "uhhhh I thought you said 25…."

Tsunade looked at him and said, "Well I decided to double it"

…Cricket cricket

"Oh you WANT me to double it?" tsunade asked

"NO!" every one answered in unison

"Alright now there are more people at the mansion in there already cuz I told them too" tsunade said

"This IS a test and a notice will be posted every once in a while for your tasks" every body groaned except for the false advertisers over there (sasuke & Shino:STFU!)

Every one made there way to the mansion wich was surprisingly huge and found themselves asking 'why the hell haven't I seen this before….'

They went in to find people on the couch watching TV they were of course the rest of Naruto's friends. Neji. Rock lee. Kiba. Asuma. Shikamaru. And a few other people that I forgot to mention what ever…

The TV that they were watching was a bit strange it was called the evil hypnotizing channel on channel 666….

'Wait a minute wtf?' Naruto thought.

The TV SOME HOW noticed that Naruto noticed so it said

"Attack the blond kid…attack the blond kid"

"Attack the who?" the hypnotized watchers said.

"Attack the blond kid…"

"Who?"

"Naruto you dumbasses and while on that subject call your selves dumbasses while attacking Naruto…"

"Yes master"

They made there way towards Naruto except for shikamaru who just kept saying

"Its to troublesome…. im a dumbass…."

Naruto ran over to the TV and held a kunai up to the cord.

"One false move and your master here GETS IT!" Naruto threatened.

Every one that was hypnotized stopped. Naruto was pissed at this TV so he cut the cord witch then returned the hypnotized back to normal after saying to Naruto how there gonna kick his ass cuz that was a good show…

So after they calmed down they showed everybody their room.

'Today has been a weird day…' Naruto thought

he rested for a few minutes it was only a few hours till lunch and he would go down to look for it sooner or later…. 'wait a minute' "WHERE THE HELL IS THE KITCHEN!"

**Muhahaha cliff hanger! I looooooove doin that!**

**Any way end of chapter one this will be my first time at both writing a story and making fun of shino and sasuke**

**Sorry fan girls but its true!**

**Sasuke:NO ITS NOT! WE JUST…..WE JUST….LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONE!**

**Shino:………..im pissed**

**Sasuke:hey so am I wanna jump the author?**

**Shino: sounds good to me**

**Me: 0o ok that's it ur not going any where… GAARA!**

**Gaara:what?**

**Me: attack these two**

**Gaara:ok you're the boss…**

**Ok enough fun any way plz R&R so that this cliff hanger will no longer be!**


	2. BOOM EXPLOSIONS!

**Shh! Don't tell Naruto**

**Ch2 BOOM! EXPLODSIONS EVERYWHERE!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

**Me: chapter 2 is up hope you enjoy!**

**Naruto: didn't you give us a map?**

**Me: err you left it in the living room?**

**Naruto: damn…o well…I hope this mansion isn't too big**

**Me: well duh it's big I mean what part didn't you get about 'why the hell didn't I see this?'**

Ok then…. so Naruto, Hinata, sasuke, and Sakura are nearby each other dorm wise so none of them have there map because they left it in the living room. And since this mansion is huge they need to go to the kitchen for lunch NOW.

Sasuke-kun you don't have a map?

"No.."

"Not even you Hinata-Chan?"

"Nope sorry Sakura…"

"Well that leaves us mapless…"

"Hey you didn't ask me!"

"I already know you don't have a map Naruto the author said it."

"So? O wait a that's right he's the author"

"Well what do we do now?"

"We go explore the mansion. Duh…."

So the 4 started off trying to find the kitchen but soon they came to a fork in the mansion.

"Well there's two ways…" Sakura said pointing out the obvious

"Ya I think we new that much Sakura…." Sasuke said

"Alright lets spilt into groups!" Naruto exclaimed

"IM WITH SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura yelled excitedly

'Then im with Naruto-Kun' Hinata thought

So they each set off it different ways first we will check with Naruto and Hinata and maybe AND JUST MAYBE sasuke and Sakura.

Naruto was walking down the hall the hall when he noticed a door that said RAMEN

Suddenly drooling for ramen Naruto ran to the door.

"Um Naruto-kun where are you going?" Hinata asked

"This room is filled with ramen! Come on Hinata!" Naruto said excitedly and grabbing Hinata's hand to take her in the 'ramen' room (hint hint 'RAMEN')

Hinata immediately blushed when Naruto grabbed her hand so she hid her face.

When Naruto closed the door some dust fell of the sign and instead of ramen its said BOMING. (Wow who the hell writes that sloppy?)

Naruto was looking at the whole room filled with 'ramen' and thought he had gone to heaven. He grabbed some 'chicken ramen' wich had dust on it but Naruto didn't care. But im sure he would care if he new it said chicken bomb (where'd the other letters go?)

He instantly found a stove and started cooking it. Hinata was a little hungry herself but she stood there and watched Naruto cook his ramen. About halfway through Naruto looked over his 'ramen' and drooled but then it exploded in his face.

"Ow…..what the fuck was that did I burn it." Naruto said angrily.

Hinata sniffed the air and smelled gunpowder.

"Um Naruto-kun…." Hinata started

"Not right now Hinata" Naruto said starting up some more ramen.

Sigh…. 'He's cute…but dumb…' Hinata thought and ran to take cover.

Naruto was again halfway through and then the ramen EXPLODED causing black smoke all over him.

"Cough cough o well it could have been worse….."

"Um Naruto-kun….." Hinata said and pointed to his hair.

Naruto noticed that there was a fire on his head.

"AHHHH SHIT HINATA QUICK GET A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!" Naruto yelled

Hinata did so and put out his fiery hair. But little did they know that the fire had landed on a fuse. After about 5 minutes Naruto noticed almost too late.

"O FUCK LET GET OUTA HERE THIS AINT RAMEN THERE BOMBS!" Naruto yelped and jumped up grabbed Hinata's hand and running out.

When they were out Naruto put his back on the door. There was a huge BANG sound behind the door and smoke came out.

'Phew' Naruto thought he thought he was safe but then just as he got off the door it fell down and smacked him right on the head. Naruto fell down and the door 'jumped' on him.

"Ya take that mofo you gonna put yo ass on me one mo time?" the door yelled

Naruto yelled "WHAT THE FUCK!" Naruto tried to push it off but it wasn't any good it was heavy.

"Answer my question mofo ARE YOU GONNA PUT YO ASS ON ME AGAIN?" the door yelled.

"OW OK OK DAMINT I WONT!" yelled Naruto the door starting to crush him.

"Good." The door said and put him back in place.

Naruto got up and thought 'what kind of door is that…..'

Hinata was sitting there assorting pictures she had taken of Naruto in all kinds of situations like the one that involved the embarrassing accident in 2003 graduation when Naruto had gotten drunk and tak-(Naruto: SHUT UP DAMNIT NO!SHUT UP READERS YOU _WILL_ FORGET IT!) fine fine….

Sakura and sasuke were going down the hallway. Sakura of course was clinging to Sasuke's arm.

"Sakura could you PLEASE stop cling on to me…." Sasuke said with his 'cool' attitude

They kept walking and walking and walking…. until they stumbled on a path of what seemed to be fire crackers Sakura who was easily enthused by fire crackers picked them up and threw them in the air laughing.

But for some strange reason the ceiling was on fire but neither of them noticed.

So when the fire crackers came down they exploded all over them sakuras skirt caught fire and sasuke cool attitude scared the fire away from his shirt. The fire was slowly burning away her skirt she put it out just on time to stop her 'covered' parts form burning into uncover. And ya nothing else happened…

All four some how went into a complete circle and found themselves back where they started.

"Aww man were never gonna get out of here!" Sakura complained

'I was hoping me a Naruto-kun could have had some more alone time….' Hinata thought looking a little disappointed.

Sasuke looked in different

"Hey I know the way to the kitchen!" Naruto suddenly said.

"Oh ya what makes you think you know now?" said Sakura skeptically

Naruto pointed to the door labeled 'this way to kitchen'

Every one-sweat dropped. And when they recovered they went into the door to lunch!

**I am DONE WITH THIS CHAPTER its pissed me off SO MUCH  it kept erasing things I didn't want it to. On the other hand it was long…. So any way please R&R cause I know ya want to well that's all I have to say except that ending was unexpected huh? **


	3. a tv lunch

**Shh!Don't tell Naruto!**

**Ch3 a TV lunch**

**Disclaimer: still don't own Naruto…**

**Also this will be the last chapter until a little while from now im going on vacation but if it makes you feel better ill submit like 5 chapters wen I get back! And this is where my best friend brasuki and me(jason) enter the story. Both of our names are in Japanese btw**

So the four found there way down to the kitchen where they were greeted by every one else. The TV was up and running again but this time they weren't watching channel 666. They were watching channel 666.5. It was an actual show Naruto caught some of the first parts of the show wich was like this:

"Welcome to couq and van with chef Richard goblin"

Today we will teach you how to cook eyeball and perineum calzone first you take an animal the size of…oh I don't know maybe a rhino or a cow and gorge the eyeballs and the perineum out ok and then maybe you KILL the animal that is up to you. After that you make a calzone and stuff the eyeballs and perineum in then voila se manific! Oh you can feel how once the perineum of the animal felt. Oh its really fresh…"

Naruto started sniffing the air and he sniffed… Ramen! And…calzone? Naruto shrugged it was lunch and he was hungry he'd have a lot of ramen of course but he might try a little calzone.

Naruto sat at the table wich was really long, across from Hinata. When lunch was finally served Naruto instantly shoved the ramen down his throat and tasted the calzone.

"What the fuck…. This thing tastes like it been spit on and then there's perineum in it!"

Naruto yelled he was disgusted with it. Then chef Richard goblin came in and said

"HEY I JUST MADE THAT YOU BASTARD!"

"Well it tastes like SHIT and if you made this your barbaric!"

"Pathetic wench! You know NOTHING of the fine culinary arts I ask you wich came first the egg or the chicken? It matters very little ok they BOTH taste good after a cockfight. Anyway I bet you ware deodorant moi? A barbarian? No no no its is you the is the barbarian made maozell."

Said the chef and he walked out.

'Gees who the hell hired him…' Naruto though

After every one was fed, the door opened about 30 minutes later and there standing there was Jason and brasuki!

"Yo what up my ganstas!"

Cricket cricket…..

"Cough cough um jason their ninja…."

"Oh… what's up my ninjas!"

Cricket cricket….

"Shinobi?"

"What's up my shinobi?

Cricket cricket

"Ah fuck it what's up my name is Jason and this guy is brasuki" said jason

"And we be your mother effing new allies!" brasuki said excitedly

"Oh ya and this is your new assignment: this is a men only assignment: get a girlfriend"

This caused a little tension between everyone. They had better ask quickly or they might not get a girlfriend. And FAIL. Nah im just kidding they were as many girls as there were boys.

"Alright then go do a mission EVRY ONE NOW!" yelled Jason.

He had sharigan and it flashed very dangerously even more than kakashis…. So no one objected and went on a mission.

After about 12 days they all met back outside the mansion wich had changed A LOT.

There were gangsters outside the gate and patrolling inside it. They all entered nervously and when they reached the door a gangster stopped them and checked them. Kakashi was being checked and then the gangster checking him said…

"AHA MUGWORT!"

Sakura new she had seen him sniffing something… so she picked up a mallet wich was some how in her book bag and smashed kakashi over the head.

"BAD KAKASHI BAAAAD DOG!" she yelled as she pummeled him.

After that they rung the doorbell and then instead of hearing a ring you heard a ring TONE!

"SNAP YA FANGAS DO YA SELF YOU CAN DO IT ALL BY YOUR SELF…."

Every one sweat dropped and said what the fuck….

"Yo what's up my gangster ninjas!" said Jason

"Ya how you like da improvements?" asked brasuki

They just gave a thumbs up and walked by to go to their room.

Muhahaha line breaker! Oh ya switching to third person Hinata view!

Hinata went to where there rooms were and bid the others good night and blushed when Naruto hugged her goodnight. She crawled into bed and wondered what tomorrow held for her….

Sorry made that chapter a little short any way I need a little help from you guys I want YOU to decide the pairings the off limit characters are Naruto, Hinata, sasuke, and Sakura since im pairing naruhina and sasusaku

Any way my vacation begins in two days so its on! TELL ME THOSE PAIRINGS!


	4. the concert

Shh! Don't tell Naruto!

Ch4 the concert

Sorry I have been gone so long and I dint get a chance to get all the chapters done 

**Also I had to find a second writer and it took me forever brasuki will be my right hand man normally I wouldn't pick him but he's better than also those shit packers that sucked at every piece of writing… any way ENJOY (especially my lyrics son!**

So after the weird change that occurred to the mansion, every body was still tense about who gets whom (recap: assignment get a girlfriend ((men only))). Hinata was especially nervous she knew Naruto would ask Sakura.

"Hey Hinata…" Naruto had snuck up on her it kind of freaked her out

"Y-yes Naruto-kun?" asked Hinata

"Would you…would you…." He started he was blushing; Hinata realized that he was and started blushing too.

"OH yes Naruto-kun I would love to!" she said excitedly

"Good!" Naruto said and he gave her his stuff.

'Oh he wanted me to hold his stuff…' she thought and looked down sadly

Naruto went over and asked Sakura to be his girlfriend.

And guess what? She said…

"NO HELL NO I WANT SASUKE!" she yelled angrily.

Naruto was giving up he was a bit disappointed but he still needed a girlfriend.

He looked over in Hinata's direction and noticed how pretty she was.

He went over to her and said.

"Hinata… will you be my girlfriend?" he asked he said blushing

Hinata of course blushed redder than I don't know… tomatoes?

"Y-yes! Naruto-kun yes I would!" she said and smiled at him

Naruto put on his signature smile and said good and walked away.

Ya ok who cares about the other people any way its:

Neji asked tenten who said yes

Shikamaru didn't want to because it was too troublesome but he did it any way and asked Temari who said yes.

Sakura kept annoying sasuke so he said yes

And Naruto asked Hinata after getting rejected by Sakura

There was a concert tonight and everybody had to go cause it was an assignment.

Hinata had moved in with Naruto and they were picking out there clothes Naruto had decided to pick black shorts that sagged on him and a blue shirt that went down to his hip. He also picked out a chain that said A.Z.N.

Hinata had decided on a navy blue skirt that went down to a little bit past her mid thy and a shirt to match. Since they have the same favorite band she also wore a chain that said A.Z.N.

So they decided to go down were they met Sakura and sasuke. Sakura had a pink skirt and a matching shirt. Sasuke well what do you think from a false advertiser? (Betah shut yo ass up mofo) no change. And every one else I don't care about so they crowded around the stage and who came out? Jason (the singer) brasuki (drums) rentom (guitar)

"HELLO KONHOHA WHATS GOIN ON OUT DER?" jason asked. every one cheered.

"Alright were gonna play a song called Asian pride!"

_(Stop right der for Asian pride ((5x))_

It's the azn. Nigga fuck the rest dial es .To New York.

Jigga we da best!

Vietnam to Japan to magnolia.

Philippines, to Taiwan to Cambodia.

Gloria, maha, hometown china.

Who u got huh?

You got shit nigga? Feel the side!

It's the azn

Betah recognize!

Got rice bitch?

Got rice?

Got booze?

Got soups?

Got spice?

Got brains like us?

Got skills like us?

Got cars got clothes got girls like us?

What's up?

We da shit and we kill yo foos

We got money in the bank from our family jewels

Can we help it if we parade that rob the school?

It don't matter

Fuck da rest we are ready to rule

We got cars from mike Angelo

We got the tools

Poop it up break it down and play pool

Hooker who you fuck with us boos?

101?

FUCK DAT ITS 301

No tools

Got rice bitch?

Got rice?

Anything that you can show that is nice?

Got cats got booze got dogs like us?

FUCK NO

HELL your right you'll never be like us

Take off your shoes when you enter please

And crawl on your fucking knees

Don't mind the smell you'll get used to it

And deal with that Buddha shit

What the hell is that?

Don't think I see no forks in da house

Chopsticks o yeah!

Have a taste don't be scared of the lemon tea

Don't want any?

That's ok try to fuck on dees

Got rice bitch?

Got rice?

Got luck every time you roll the dice?

You'll luck is bad unless you rollin with us

We thugs for life baby

Asian pride.

Jason could hear all the cheering by everybody as the beat died away Asian

His crew and him took a bow and the curtain closed.

"Remember tomorrow there will be a prediction on the world its called end of ze world. Have a good night" the voice came out of the intercom.

Everyone was heading to bed as they talked about the concert. Especially Hinata and Naruto since both of them had the same favorite artist.

When they reached there room, tey immidiatly plopped down on the couch and sighed.

Hinata can tell he was reminiscing. Naruto turned on the tv and they sat up watching until about 3:00AM.

After that they both crawled into bed to head to sleep.

"Goodnight Hinata-Chan" he said as he closed his eyes

"Good night Naruto-kun" she replied when she closed her eyes she thought about how she wanted Naruto so badly and how she got him.

After 10 minutes Naruto's snoring could be herd so she put corks in her ears and went to sleep.

**Sorry I made this a lil boring but id been planning those lyrics all night with brasuki and it's a bit short in my opinion but let me hear what you think.**

**Lol sorry I had to get a bit racist on this chapter but I think it was the best idea we had with the lyrics its about 12:00AM right now and im tired.**

**So I hoped you enjoyed and my advice to you is!**

**BEWARE OF SASUKE AND SHINO**


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